Merlene Lawrence has come a long way since she was a starry-eyed teenager who was the first girl to represent Trinidad and Tobago in the Miss Universe Pageant in 1964. Today she prefers not to recall the heartbreak that caused her to flee Trinidad in the 1960s and seize the opportunity of a career as a flight attendant, hoping it was her ticket to the wider world, freedom and happiness.
But the years from then to now have not been smooth flying for Lawrence, who has now, it seems, come full circle, as she is back in the country whose banner she waved 35 years ago. She has raised four children; guided them through university virtually single-handedly; helped them through the tragic death of her eldest son in a car accident; and a divorce. Yet she prefers to dwell on how best she can contribute to Tobago, where she is now building a home.
Looking back, she recalls: "I took part in the Miss Universe pageant because it was different. Nobody had done it before. I was just back from England. I had attended a boarding school and I have wondered what the nuns would have thought if they knew. I was also asked to represent the country in the Miss World pageant in England, but felt the nuns would have a fit."
She had modelled for some local fashion shows, when the pay was $25 a shoot.
While at the pageant in Miami, she had met a count, Compte Jean de Beaumont. He invited her to Paris, promising to introduce her to some of the top fashion houses.
"Some two or three other girls had taken up the offer, but Mom said I was not going anywhere. I felt it was a missed opportunity. I felt upset and cheated, but I had to obey my parents. Today, I have to tell my kids about my background and how I was brought up. I suppose if I really wanted to do it that badly I would have gone," she confessed.
Nursing her disappointment at the lost opportunity, the young Lawrence seized instead the chance to work as a flight attendant, first with BWIA, then with Pan American airlines. Dazzled by the glamour and glitter of the world, to which the pageant had introduced her, she believed her new job would allow her to see the world.
It did, taking her to most countries, except to Australia, and the Middle East. She remembers how she once dodged bullets while attempting to get to a restaurant at the height of the Vietnam War.
She moved to San Francisco and met Gary Schmidt, a ship's captain, whom she married. They later moved to Santa Barbara in California, where she has lived for the past 25 years.
"When Mom visited, she said it was like Trinidad," Lawrence said. "We wanted a small community where everybody knew everybody else, to bring up the children. Everybody there is involved in community activities, even the movie stars. My home was always open to all the neighbours' kids. I tried to take the Trinidad style of living to Santa Barbara."
She had turned down an offer of becoming a movie star since her entrance in the pageant, when she had auditioned in Jamaica. She passed the screen test, but refused to be part of the movie. In Santa Barbara, however, she was part of the movie-making fraternity - they worked on community projects together, their children attended the same schools - but was never tempted to get involved in the industry.
She was active on behalf of the Republican party in elections and has kept busy raising money for charities, visiting a juvenile jail to talk to the inmates, and annually taking a group of children to Mexico to build homes for homeless children. Her own children became involved in her work, which helped them in filling the 200 community service hours which were mandatory before they could receive a graduate certificate.
All she would say of her marriage to, or divorce from the Danish-American sea captain was that "women need to have a book when they get married to protect themselves when it comes to divorce."
"It can be dirty, racking and damaging when love goes out the door. You must have your own private bank account."
"But I would prefer to talk about now. About the things I'd like to see done in Tobago. Tobago is just beginning to show its prospects and we need to control the development with guidelines, and we need to get the businessmen organized."
She said once her house is completed, she hopes to examine her prospects on the job market.
"I have lots of ideas to develop Tobago - a mini mall, perhaps," she said enthusiastically. "There is no shopping. Everything must come from Trinidad. It's amazing. We hear someone is going to Trinidad and we hand him a grocery list…
"I left Trinidad to fly; to see the world. But I missed it. I always knew that when my kids were grown up I would come back home to live."
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SHE NEVER ONCE CALLED AMERICA HOME
By Lars Schmidt
Sunday Magazine
September 26, 1999
Page 9
Merlene Laurence, my mother, experienced her first real taste of American when she participated in the 1964 Miss Universe pageant in Florida. She was the current Miss Trinidad and Tobago and stayed in Miami Beach with Miss Greece (who became the 1964 Miss Universe). It was there that Merlene met Jean, the Count De Beaumont, who had an interest in a fashion house in Paris and offered to introduce my mother to it. Jean and Merlene planned to go sailing in the Mediterranean as well, but my mother's parents were completely against these arrangements. Merlene was so thrilled to have the opportunity to go model in Paris. She loved the clothes and fashion and looking beautiful and feeling gorgeous. What young lady would not like to model in Paris? Her parents did not allow it.
Following her American experience, Merlene travelled to Jamaica, to Ocho Rios, with a movie producer to do a screen test for a movie. In Jamaica, she stayed as a guest of Governor Bustamante, who was a friend of her grandfather's, Sir Gaston Johnston. They did the screen test at Dunn's River Falls near Montego Bay. She refused to be part of the movie. She was a very shy and sheltered young lady.
But Merlene was ready to leave her sheltered life behind. She attended boarding school in the United Kingdom and travelled all over Europe with her family on vacation, but wanted something new.
She also wanted to leave a broken heart. She had fallen in love with a man that her family would not accept. Although the man she wanted to marry was a Catholic, he was not of the same economic status as her family and that was unacceptable. It was the custom to marry your own kind (same class, economic status, religion, and in some cases, race). Merlene was not allowed to marry the man, and that strengthened her need to leave the Caribbean and remove herself from her sheltered life.
Her ticket out of Trinidad appeared when Pan Am airlines came to the island in search of stewardesses. Although her parents did not approve she left Trinidad at the age of 21 and headed for her new home in Miami, Florida. Merlene flew out of Miami for four years on the Latin America routes. But she was too close to home, and not far enough away from her broken dreams. She transferred to San Francisco California to remove herself even farther from the reach of her sheltered life. American, in Merlene's eyes, was the land of opportunity, the new world and was begging for exploration and learning.
She found out that the rural areas and smaller towns, even big towns in Texas, are more representative of the American people. They contain more of the basic moral fibre and code of honour than the cities.
Besides discovering a better life in San Francisco, Merlene met Gary Schmidt. He was a captain in the Merchant Marines. They married and had four kids, each of whom received the opportunity of knowing two completely different cultures, that of Trinidad and that of the United States.
Merlene and her family lived outside of San Francisco on a ranch in Walnut Creek. The family later moved to Santa Barbara, where she raised her children, a lot of the time on her own because Gary was often at sea. She attempted to instill in her children the morals and traditions of the Caribbean, but when sometimes failing to do so, she could be heard saying under her breath, "Damn Americans."
I was her only child who attended citizenship classes with her and got to see first-hand what it was like to not be American. I understand the differences in our cultures and although I may sometimes appear more American than she would like, Merlene has been understanding of my culture as I have been of hers.
Merlene has now returned to her small island. She is no longer living the sheltered life that forced her to leave. She values her experiences brought upon her by immigrating to the United States, but has never once called America home.